Kirby Comix

Comic #21
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Comic #21) Damn, this comic's gonna be a long SOB, so get some popcorn and relax and start reading now!
 
l>`.`l> Xirby: Muahaha! I am Xirby, the most evil, deadly and constipated of all Kirbys!!!
l>`O`l> Xirby: Ha ha ha! My evilness, deadliness, and lack of fluid in my stool is far inconcievable by the average human!
A.A Attendant: Xirby, sir, I was able to create that voice-activated thunder cloud you wanted, its right outside.  And here are your laxitives.
l>`.`l> Xirby: Very good, now get me a glass.
A.A Attendant: Of what, sir?
l>`o`l> Xirby: OF WATER!!!  MUAHAHAHHAHA!!!
*Bzt*
l>O.ol> Xirby: What kind of weak-ass maniacal laugh triggered thunderbolt was that?
A.A Attendant: We had to buy it used.  Our income isn't what it used to be.
l>.\/.l> Xirby: Then up our daily input by 50%!!!
A.A Attendant: But sir!  We can only give about 50 Blowjobs a day before we...
l>`.`l> Xirby: Are you arguing?
A.A Attendant: ...No?
l>`.`l> Xirby: I think you know the punishment for arguing with me.
A.A Attendant: No,  sir, I was just 'strongly disagreeing'.
l>`.`l> Xirby: Prepare to begin your punishment!
*Zip*
~Meanwhile~
(>`.`)> Kirby: Checkmate.
O <- Rock
(>`.`)> Kirby: What now, rock!?
O
(>^_^)> Kirby: I love you too, rock.
O
(>.\/.)> Kirby: What did you say about my mama?
O
(>`O`)> Kirby: That is uncalled for!
O
(>`.`)>O   [+] <- Window
*Chuck*
(>`.`)>    O[+]
*Shatter*
???: Owe
(>`.`)> Kirby: Who's there?
O.o Colonel: You have to help me, Kirby!
(>`.`)> Kirby: Did you get drunk and forget to use protection again?
O.o Colonel: No, the General found a nucleur silo and took over the whole thing with nothing more than dental floss and a dildo.
(>O.o)> Kirby: ...come again?
O.o Colonel: He took control of the nucleur-
(>O.o)> Kirby: No, no... what did he use again?
O.o Colonel: Dental floss... and a dildo.
(>O.o)>
O.o Colonel: Don't ask.
(>O.o)>
O.o Colonel: Trust me, it was scarier then it sounded.
(>O.o)> Kirby: The images in my mind of the fighting... so frightening.
O.o Colonel: You have to help me!
(>`.`)> Kirby: I am not fighting a dildo-wielding crazy man.
O.o Colonel: I'll give you a chocolate fudge brownie!
(>`.`)> Kirby: You think I am going to do it just for...
O.o Colonel: With sprinkles!
(>`.`)> Kirby: Rainbow?
O.o Colonel: Deal.
(>^_^)> Kirby: W00t!
O.o Colonel: We should bring reinforcements!
(>`.`)> Kirby: Hm... let's ask a few friends.
*So Kirby goes to ask his freinds*
(>^o^)> Jessica: Of course I'll help you Kirby!! You're my besterest friend ever!
(>O.o)> Kirby: I never asked you.
(>^o^)> Jessica: Pleeease Kirby!
(>`.`)> Kirby: You know how to use a machine gun?
(>^o^)> Jessica: I perfer a flamethrower.
(>^_^)> Kirby: Let's go!
*A couple of minutes later*
`.` John: Get the hell out of my toaster!
[>'.'<] Kirby: I'm toast Kirby!
(>^o^)> Jessica: Ooo, I just wanna butter you and eat you all up!
[>^_^<] Kirby: You're welcome to try!
`.` John: No sexual innuendos in my toaster!
[>^_^<] Kirby: I'm toast Kirby, check me out!  I'm toast Kirby, you damn clout!
O.o Colonel: You have to help us, John.
`.` John: Why?
[>^_^<] Kirby: I'm toast Kirby, burnt and stout!  I'm toast Kirby, I suffer from gout!
O.o Colonel: Well, if not the Earth will probably be nuked.
`.` John: Kirby, get the hell outta there.
(>^o^)> Jessica: Kirby, I just wann eat you up!
[>^_^<] Kirby: Or you can come in here and I can eat you!
`.` John: Kirby, get out before I bagelfie you!
(>`.`)> Kirby: Jerk...
O.o Colonel: You don't want the world nuked, do you?
`.` John: Not as of right this second...
O.o Colonel: Then help us!
`.` John: Can I bring Cristina?
O.o Colonel: Okay.
^.^ Cristina: *Yawn* good morning, John!
(> . .)> Kirby: Why is she in your house...?
^.^ Cristina: Why wouldn't I be?
(>^o^)> Jessica: Kirby, we should have a sleep over, too!
(>^_^)> Kirby: Yeah!
*So John, Cristina, Kirby, Jessica and the Colonel continue to look for friends*
(>`o`)> Kirby: Jooohn Jacob Jinglehiemer Schmidt, his name is my name too!
`.` John: Stop! Stop now before I gouge out your vocal cords!
(>`o`)> Kirby: Jooohn Jaco-
`.` John: With a spoon.
(>v.v)> Kirby: Sorry John...
^.^ Cristina: Why, what can John do with a spoon?
(>o.o)>
^.^ Cristina: Kirby?  Are you alright?
`.` John: He's recalling his last spoonitization.
O.O Oracle: HELLO I AM AN ORACLEL!
(>^o^)> Jessica: Can you tell me the winning lottery numbers?
O.O Oracle: NO, BUT I CAN TELL YOU YOU'RE FATE!
(>^o^)> Jessica: Okay.
O.O Oracle: YOU WILL KILL YOUR FATHER AND MARRY YOUR MOTHER.
O.o Colonel: Oracle, you should come with us! We could use your help in determining our fates!
O.O Oracle: OKAY.  BUT I CHARGE A BUCK FIFTY AN HOUR.
O.o Colonel: Deal.
O.O Oracle: THE ORACLE HAS SPOKEN.
(>`.`)> Kirby: We should go get another ally!!
`.` John: Like who?
(>`.`)> Kirby: Come with me.
(>^o^)> Jessica: It's a fast food place...
(>`.`)> Kirby: Not just any fast food place.
O.o Colonel: It's a Wendy's...
9.9 Dave Thomas: I am Dave Thomas, what brings you to Wendy's?
(>`.`)> Kirby: Oh great founder of the Wendy's, hear our beckoning.  We are in dire requirement of your divine powers.
9.9 Dave Thomas: Nah.
(>`.`)> Kirby: Plus you still owe me for the 2000 bucks you lost in Poker Night.
9.9 Dave Thomas: Coming...
`.` John: I know a person we should recruit!
^.^ Cristina: who?
*So the group follows John*
`.` John: His name... Mog.
>.< Mog: Kupo!
`.` John: I stole him from my Final Fantasy 6 Cartridge.
(>`O`)> Kirby: I wann eat it!
>.< Mog: Fuck you, kupo!
9.9 Dave Thomas: Nasty little midget... thing.
(>^o^)> *Nods*
`.` John: Yo, Kirby, let's get going.  We have eight people now.
O.o Colonel: I'll take us there, follow me.
*So Kirby and co. walk to the Nucleur Silo*
(>`.`)> Kirby: This is it?
O.o Colonel: Yeah.
`.` John: Looks like an orphanage to me...
O.o Colonel: Well... it is.
(>O.o)> Kirby: Eh?
O.o Colonel: The government was running low on cash to they bought out the west side of the orphanage.
^.^ Cristina: The... Nucleur Orphage of Minnesota?
>.< Mog: Minnesota sucks!
O.o Colonel: Let's go and see if we can drag the General out.
(>`.`)> Kirby: I'm behind you forty-three point five percent.
`.` John: I'm behind you considerably less.
O.o Colonel: I feel so secure... honestly.
r.r Receptionist: Hello, welcome to Nucleur Orphanage Kids, how may I help you?
(>^o^)> Jessica: I got this butthole plugged, guys!
(>^o^)>=- > > > > r.r
*Flamethrower burning noises*
(>^o^)> Jessica: Die! Die! Die!
(>O.O)> Kirby: Jessica... I love you.
`.` John: Kirby, let's go while Jessica handles the Orphans.
._. Orphan: Heeelp!  Waaah!  Mommy!  Daddy!
O.O Oracle: YOU WILL KILL YOUR FATHER AND MARRY YOUR MOTHER!
._. Orphan: Waaaah!  Nooooo!!!
O.O Oracle: THE ORACLE HAS SPOKEN!
._. Orphan: WAAAAAAAAH!
O.o Colonel: General!
@_@ General: Ah, Scotty.  I have successfully defeated the communists holding this biological weapon factory.
O.o Colonel: General, we have to leave on... uhhh... an anti-socialist mission.
@_@ General: The rope you provided me was very sturdy, Watson.
(>O.o)> Kirby: This man's eyes are gouged out and stuffed in his nose...
@_@ General: The dagger given to me was most useful.
`.` John: This guy over here has a deep knife wound...
^.^ Cristina: It's too round to be a knife.
O.o Colonel: General... your dildo... its soaked with blood.
@_@ General: Prepare for take off, Mark!
O.o Colonel: He can never get my name right, can he?
*Rumble*
(>^o^)> Jessica: Kirby, I burned the entire building down!
(>`.`)> Kirby: Wait... then where are we?
O< Speaker: Nucleur launch in 3... 2...
`.` John: Bloody Hell...
O< Speaker: 1...
@_@ General: Blast off!
O.o Colonel: We're in the damn Nuke!
*Kaboom*
`.` John: Where are we?  Cristina are you okay?
^.^ Cristina: YEah, body's just a little shaken.
`.` John: You guys figure out where we are while I correct Cristina's shaking.
(>`.`)> Kirby: Here, open this door.
O.o Colonel: Why is there a door on a Nuke?
@_@ General: I had one stalled.
(>`.`)> Kirby: We're on the top of some sort of Castle.
A.A Attendant: Oh dear, Xirby will be very unhappy when he finds his flowerbed in shambles.
l>`.`l> Xirby: No! Not my Petunias!
`.` John: Shaking corrected.
(>^o^)> Jessica: Cristina, are you okay?
^.^ Cristina: Ohhh... I've never felt better... I feel... soooo good...
(>`.`)> Kirby: Who are you anyway?
l>`.`l> Xirby: I am the great Xirby, ruler of the Kingdom of... Xirby!  I am the most evil, ruthless, destructive and constipated OF ALL EVIL!!!
O.O Oracle: YOU WILL KILL YOUR FATHER AND MARRY YOUR MOTHER.
l>^_^l> Xirby: Too late.
(>O.o)> Kirby: Umm...
l>`.`l> Xirby: Who are you?  Hmm?
(>`.`)> Kirby: I am Kirby, Hero of Popstar, and the most ass-kicking Nintendo Hero to be born!
l>O.Ol> Xirby: Ack! Kirby!! No- those behind you... they can't be...
`.` John: I'm John, the one who holds the ultimate powers of destruction after a freak accident involving a strange chemical, a goddess named Whorina, a Sega Genesis and an iron.
l>O.Ol> Xirby: Ahhh!!! And you... you're...
9.9 Dave Thomas: I am the great Dave Thomas, Ruler of Food Franchezis!
>.< Mog: I'm Mog, the talking Moogle, Kupo!  Your dick is small, Kupo!
l>`O`l> Xirby: Noooo!!!  And you are you?!
@_@ General: General Ulysses S. Grant, leader of the Brazilian Cavalry Freedomfuckers!
l>`.`l> Xirby: ...
O.o Colonel: He's Insane.
l>`.`l> Xirby: Gotcha.
`.` John: Prepare to die random evil person!
l>`.`l> Xirby: Ah, no, it is YOU that shall die randomly!  Observe my obscue powers and constipation!
<l`.`<l Xirby: Revive, past Kirby Comix!
(>O.O)> Kirby: N-NOOOOOOOOO!
(>@.@)> Evil Kirby: I am back!  And more powerful than ever!
<[`.`]> <[o.o]> <[1.1]> <[^_^]> <[v.v]> 1337 Bots: |-|4 |-|4 |-|4! \/\/3 |-|4\/3
|^37(_)|^/\/3|)!!
(>~.~)> Kirby: Oh, cmoe on, did you have to revive the 1337 bots?
o\./o Evil Overlord: Muahahhahah!
`.` John: Look, an old friend!
o\./o Evil Overlord: ...shit.
~~~(:D) Semenman: Haha! Contraceptives can't stop me!
{O O} Spermboy: Nya~!
<(:D) Condomheadman: w00t!
(>`.`)> Kirby: What the hell?  Why would you revive all of them?
( o ) Jerry: Muahahaha!!  I have returned to take revenge on you Kirby!
t.t t.t t.t t.t t.t t.t t.t Zombies: We have been revived for a second time, BRAAAAINS!
D.D Ninja 1: I have returned to bring upon all the darkness of the ways of the formations of the... uhhh... ... Ninjutsu... stuff!
R.R Ninja 2: I brought Shurikens!
G.G Ninja 3: I brought Anal Lube!
`.` John: ...are you fucking kidding me?  Stop reviving this shit.
{~ ~} Snotman: I have returned!!  Only Kleenex disenfectant wipes can truly eliminate me!
*_* Nick: Backstreet boys are back!
o.o Kevin: Oh yeah!
2.2 Howie: Our newest album owns!
~.~ Brain: Hell yeah!
+.+ AJ: Yeah guys!
*_* Nick: Shut up AJ, you suck nuts.
(>o.o)> Kirby: The Backstreet bitches can't come back!  You can't do that!
l>`.`l> Xirby: I can do faaar worse!  COME FORTH ENEMIES FROM OUTSIDE KIRBY COMIX!
&_& Garland: I, GARLAND, SHALL KNOCK YOU ALL DOWN!
>.< Mog: Fuck you, Kupo!
K.k Karl Marx: Eat Communism and live in a Utopian society, fools!
@_@ General: I HEARD COMMUNISM!!!!  WHERE!?!?! WHERE?!?!
O.o Colonel: ...
(>^o^)> Jessica: I'm scared Kirby!
^.^ Cristina: John, we'll be all right, won't we?
`.` (>._.)> *Nods*
`.` John *Whispers*: Kirby, most these guys we defeated in moments of pure luck or by extremely odd means...
(>._.)> Kirby *Whispers*: I can take all these guys one on one... but all together like this?
`.` John *Whispers*: Dave Thomas should help... you get the Taco God out here ASAP, I got my Uber Sword Skills available... Mog can help... Cristina, Jessica, the Colonel, the Oracle and the General are pretty much dead weight...
(>._.)> Kirby *Whispers*: I'd advise a quick retreat.
^.^ Cristina: RIGHT, JOHN???
`.` John: OF COURSE!
^.^ Cristina: I feel so safe with you!
`.` John: *gulp* heh... heh...
l>`O`]> Xirby: Muahahahahhahahah!!!!!
*Bzt*
(>O.o)>
l>`.`l> Xirby: What... we had to buy it used...
`.` John: Kirby, here's the deal, we should split up into groups to combat our old rivals while the others wait patiently for their turn to be destroyed.
(>`.`)> Kirby: How do you know they'll wait patiently?
`.` John: Becuase they'll be to confused to know who to fight!
(>`.`)> Kirby: Gotcha!  Okay, time to enter combat!
 
 
Note: The Combat Index will take you to a series of links in which the order in which you read them isn't really neccessary, besides the final one, which should be viewed last.  Each fight is accompanied by music.  If you do not wish to listen to the music - turn off your speakers.  If you do, turn them up.  Have Fun!!!
~John

(>'.')> <('.')> <('.'<)
Dance Kirby Dance

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