/ \
| |
/ \
|______|
O==(
_
/ \
_ |
/ \ `.` |_____|
*Stop Thinking*
`.`
`.`
`.`
`.` *Drool*
*Resume internal thought only...*
`.` John: w00t Lazar Beam!!1one
*BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM*
$_$ Mr. Millionaire: THAT WAS MY HOUSE!!! MY BAJILLION MILLION N00BILLION DOLLAR HOUSE!
`.` John: It was the ... uhhh... sky. Right, the sky did it.
$_$ Mr. Millionaire: I have a PHD in everything besides plateosurgery and momcolegy. I know for a fact the
sky can't do that.
`.` John: Yes... yes it does.
$_$ Mr. Millionaire: ...Ummm... No. You just did that with that Laser Beam Cannon behind you.
`.` John: It's LAZAR BEAM CAN0N --... what Laser Beam Cannon?
$_$ Mr. Millionaire: That really big one behind you.
`.` John: ... what are you talking about?
$_$ Mr. Millionaire: You can't diguise it with a beach towel.
`.` John: ... why not?
$_$ Mr. Millionaire: Because the cannon is four stories high and the beach towel is about five by three feet.
`.` John: Shit.
$_$ Mr. Millionaire: I'm sueing you.
`.` John: ...Don't you need to do that to people who actually have money?
$_$ Mr. Millionaire: How... much do you have?
`.` John: ... 0.
$_$ Mr. Millionaire: ZERO?!!? BY GOD IS THAT POSSIBLE?
`.` John: Yep.
$_$ Mr. Millionaire: How do you get through life?
`.` John: By living.
$_$ Mr. Millionaire: Good sir, you are a man of the wilderness indeed! Your ways are so... so... barbaric and simple!
`.` John: I know.
$_$ Mr. Millionaire: Ah, good man, you don't even know how to utilize polite mannerisms!
`.` John: Actually I just don't do it.
$_$ Mr. Millionaire: YOU MUST TEACH ME HOW TO BE A MAN OF THE WILDERNESS.
`.` John: Okay, first you need to be in rugged terrain. Like, say, a place with a forest, and a canyon, and a desert,
and an island, all in one place.
$_$ Mr. Millionaire: I don't think that's possible.
`.` John: Well, I guess we can ditch the canyon part. But the rest is neccessary. Next you need a location
with the only food source being elderberries and bears and the occasional pack of tigers.
$_$ Mr. Millionaire: That... that sounds like hard work to live in...
`.` John: ...Or you could just spend a day on the streets on New York, its the same thing either way.
$_$ Mr. Millionaire: Oh. Okay.
`.` John: Well, let's op for the tigers and elderberries and shit.
$_$ Mr. Millionaire: ...
*So they travel to the only place on the planet that has both Tigers and Elderberries*
`.` John: Now, go and survive. I have to unpack our survival gear.
$_$ Mr. Millionaire: What should I do first?
`.` John: Go hunt.
$_$ Mr. Millionaire: Hmm, ah, here is a tiger! Hmm, what do I attack it with?
`.` John: Your bare hands.
' ;;; ' Tiger: RAWR. I AM A TIGER.
$_$ Mr. Millionaire: HIYA... Owe owe owe... my hand...
' ;;; ' Tiger: RAWR. I AM BITING YOU.
$_$ Mr. Millionaire: AHHHHH CRAP IT BURNS!!! OWE OWE OWE STOP!!! LET GO OF MY BLOODY ARM!
`.` John: I got it covered simple puny executive loser.
`.`O==(
/ \
/ \ '
;$_$; '
`.`O==( ~~
/ \ ~~
/ \ ~~~~*o*o*o* <- Cloud of smoke?
*BOOOOOOOOM*
$_$ Mr. Millionaire: ...thanks...
`.` John: Look, it automatically cooks itself when it dies from a laser beam!
$_$ Mr. Millionaire: It's ash.
`.` John: ...it's protein. It's good for you, trust me.
$_$ Mr. Millionaire: Listen, that thing is not healthy to eat.
`.` John: That's it, I've had it with your complaining.
`.`O==(~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~O $_$
/ \
/ \
*BOOOOOOOOOOOM*
`.` John: OMFG LAZAR BEAMS CAN0NS PWNZRZ!!!!1one
O.o Colonel: General I told you the Nazis are not here. Why would they be in an area thats densley populated by
elderberries and tigers and bears.
@_@ General: Oh my!
`.` John: Oh look it's the Colonel and the General! Guys check it out, I found this here... LAZAR BEAM CAN0N!!!1one.
@_@ General: ...NAZIS.
O.o Colonel: ...wait, hold on, how is an ecosystem entierly supported from Elderberries, Tigers and Bears?
`.` John: It's simple. The elderberries consume the tigers which consume the bears which consume themselves.
O.o Colonel: ...what the hell's that supposed to mean?
`.` John: I DON'T F*ING KNOW.
O==(
/ \
/ \
O==( ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~O `.` O.o @_@
/ \
/ \
*BOOOOOOOOOOM*
`.` John: ...wow it missed me and blew up just the Colonel.
O.o Colonel: I hate you all!
@_@ General: Aye, that's the spirit of the capitalist!
O==( Lazar Beam Can0n: I am the great Laser Beam Cannon. You
/ \
have one wish, John, what shall it be?
/ \
`.` John: For all things that remotely look like arabian prostitues be removed from the face of the planet.
O==( Lazar Beam Can0n: ...It has been done.
/ \
/ \
______________________
O==( ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~O |Arabian Prostitute House|
/ \ ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
/ \
*KABOOOOOOOOOM*
`.` John: OMFG LAZAR BEAMS!!!1one.
O.o Colonel: ...
@_@ General: Communist laser beams!
(>`.`)> Kirby: What the hell is going on here?
`.` John: ...
@_@ General: ...
O.o Colonel: ...
(>`o`)> Kirby: What? I come here to read...
@_@ General: I could use some porn right about now myself...
(>-_-)> Kirby: No, books, literature... ...
@_@ General: Johnny, strip down your pants!
O.o Colonel: Get your hands off my pants you dirty bastard!
(>O.o)> Kirby: OMFG LAZAR BEAM CAN0N!!1one
`.` John: OMFG EY NOZ!
O==( Lazar Beam Can0n: I am the great Laser Beam Cannon. You have been
/ \
granted one wish.
/ \
(>`o`)> Kirby: I wish for the center of the universe to explode.
O==( Lazar Beam Can0n: It has been granted.
/ \
/ \
O==(~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~O ( - )
/ \
/ \
( - ) Center Ofthe Universe: Hi I am Mr. Universe. My parents named me Center, and my middle name is Ofthe... wait
what's that extremely large beam of light doing shooting towards me?
*BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM*
(>-_-)> Kirby: Aw, bullshit, misinterpretations suck ass.
`.` John: Wow. That was cool!!! Can you do it again?
O==( Lazar Beam Can0n: ...no.
/ \
/ \
`.` John: Pleaaaaaaaaase?
O==( Lazar Beam Can0n: NO GAWSH DANGIT!
/ \
/ \
`.` John: PLEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASE!!!
O==( Lazar Beam Can0n: I SAID NO!!!
/ \
/ \
`.` John: Ugh, you're a jerk, that's so it...
`.` John: *Crackle* John to giant Nukleur Beam Can0n M00n Stazion, come in.*
[] *Crackle* Nukleur Beam Can0n M00n Stazion is in position to fire, General Robinson.*
O.o Colonel: Wait - who's General Robinson?
`.` John: The dike I kidnapped and killed and took this walkie talkie from.
(>-_-)> Kirby: Wait, then why the hell would you want a Lazar Beam Can0n in the first place?
`.` John: Because they go BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM.
(>`.`)> Kirby: Oh. Okay.
`.` John: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
(>`.`)> Kirby: ... I'm in the mood for brownies.
`.` John: *Crackle* FIRE!!!!*
*BZZZZZZZZZZSHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM*
O==( Lazar Beam Can0n: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!
/ \
/ \
*KABOOM*
`.` John: That was like a Lazar Beam Can0n duel.
(>O.o)> Kirby: Only not really!
`.` John: w00t!
O==( Lazar Beam Can0n: I LIVE!!! I LIVE!!!
/ \
/ \
(>`O`)>
O==(
/ \
/ \
(>`.`)==( Kirby: I'M LAZAR BEAM CAN0N KIRBY!!!1one
`.` John: OMFG LAZAR BEAM CAN0NS!!!11one
(>`.`)==( Kirby: Look, John, a small defensless stock broker!
+,+ Stock Broker: ...wait, did I take a wrong turn somewhere?
(>.\/.)==(~~~~~~~~~~~~O +,+
*BOOOOM*
(>^_^)> Kirby: HAHAHAHHA WOOOPS!
`.` John: Hohohoho! Explosions are kewl!
O.o Colonel: ...
@_@ General: Look, Johnny, I've dressed like an Amazon!
O.o Colonel: Why.
@_@ General: Why do people climb mountains? Why do people have anal sex?
O.o Colonel: Because they're mentally challenged.
@_@ General: ... uhh, what was the answer again?
`.` John: OMFG LAZAR BEAM CAN0N!!!!!111oneone
~Terminus
